Last week I found a treasure at a local secondhand store: a copy of Autobiography of a Yogi for $1. I first encountered this book back in the early '70s. I later read it again in the late '70s. I really love it. I usually let it disappear from my collection of reading material, and then a few years later I'll find another copy and read it again, so that I've probably re-read the book 10 times or more, and I'm sure I've bought copies of it 4 or 5 times over the years. It means all the more to me now because there's no longer a lot of spiritual reading material that resonates with me these days--- I'm more picky and (hopefully) discerning than I was when i was a kid.
Not every single thing in Yogananda's book is totally divine truth, to be sure (for instance, he revered Ramakrishna as a saint, who, it turns out, was a pedophile), but there is nevertheless the ring of veracity to it, and it casts bright ray of cosmic sunlight into our dark culture of materiality. Cults, fads, fashions and trends come and go, but truth never gets old or loses its appeal.

Someone asked me if I have any of my paintings on the blog. Here's one! This is one of my favorites. I think I painted it about 20 years ago. From time to time I'll post a few more. Half of my artwork is abstract, like this one, and the other half is sort of fantasy art like you'd find in a children's book or a Tarot card deck.

Bizarre! For some reason, 'Blogger' posted 5 copies of my artwork in addition to the original the other day. I don't feel like going to the trouble to try to redo the whole thing tonight, but I guess tomorrow I'll have to delete it and do it over. Strange mistake!

Had a great day-- played music in the subway for 2 hours this afternoon and then rushed off to do my sound monitoring gig from 5:30 till midnight. Not much going on, in terms of performers, because it had briefly rained, so a number of performers went home early. I had a chance to walk down near the river and meditate. Realized again today the massive importance of daily meditation, and why it is the foundation. If prayer is 'talking to God,' meditation is 'listening to God,' and more than that, it is merging with God and dying daily to your little human self and becoming One with the Divine within. Those who are successful at prayer-- great spiritual healers and spiritual masters who show some evidence of power over the elements of materiality and so forth-- are always people who have learned and chosen to live a consecrated life.

Oh man, what an exhausting evening, followed by satisfaction in a job well done. Jonathan and I have been working hard on creating the 'perfect' backtrack tape for me to play over these past few days, and it's been a comedy of errors. (When will I ever learn that it's not perfection, but 'flow' that I need to aim for? And mistakes are often part of the flow, and not something to be abhorred.) So we celebrated having completed the 90 minute tape of some 19 songs last night (bear in mind that Jonathan is a blind man, doing all the recording and dubbing, with me helping him by checking sound levels, etc.)
Anyway, today, we discovered that somehow we'd left out two of the Jobim bossa novas I absolutely had my heart set on having on this tape; the mystery of how we thought we recorded them, and I typed them up on the list as 'done,' and then tonight they weren't on the tape, shall probably never be solved, but it created quite a bit of consternation and some ruffled feathers for awhile. Finally, we came to our senses and realized we should stop analyzing, blaming each other, and catastrophizing about it, and just do most of side B over, which took another almost two hours.
Oh joy! We are now listening to the tape, and THIS TIME it is finally truly complete, with 'Triste,' Once I Loved,' 'Chega de Saudade' (No More Blues) and a host of other gorgeous Jobim bossa nova tunes, a couple jazz standards and a bit of jazz-blues in the mix.
Now I WANNA PLAY!!!!!!!! We've been struggling with creating this new tape for almost a week now. I'm ready to play some music! Gotta pamper my man and help him get some good rest so he'll feel like going with me when I go out to play tomorrow afternoon before I work in the evening.
I'm listening to the tape now, and I've been practicing some of the new tunes.
***** unmitigated BLISS *****
For me, improvising to beautiful music is such a source of joy and delight.
Here's a tune I wrote a few months back; it expresses it perfectly:

Musicality

Music gives me an attitude
That fills me with such gratitude
Leaving me with one clear choice:
To open my heart and rejoice--
Providing love and motivation,
The energy of exultation.

Music will open the way
Music will save the day
Music will light up the night
Music will set all things right

Oh, what fun I'm having! This is the third time I'm redoing my 90-minute backtrack accompaniment tape of jazz tunes that I play my flute solos over when I go out and busk in Cambridge and Boston. I think I've deleted all the songs that don't quite work, and I've found 6 new bossa novas and a couple of really exciting jazz-blues tunes to put in their place. Almost every tune I play now is a Jobim bossa nova. I never tire of playing them; they are so beautiful, and challenging in a really good way. They demand and inspire massive improvisational creativity and imagination.

I'm starting to notice a pattern here! -- I wear purple almost exclusively and I decorate my house with lots of purples and blues, but when I create art or post pictures, I'm often drawn to oranges and very warm colors. Contrast is inevitable and good!
Anyway, I'm feeling renewed and wonderful these last couple of days. I seem to have opened up once again to a clear sense of how natural it is to allow blessings and abundance into my life-- and love, joy, peace, and gratitude!

I enjoyed making this so much that I'm planning to make another one in shades of blue for my mom.

I haven't been coping with stress well lately, but today I feel a lot better. When I'm over-whelmed, it's hard to focus and sometimes it's even hard to meditate. I find the best thing to do is just wait it out, making sure to get plenty of exercise and a good night's sleep. There must be a better way, though-- I feel like so many days that could have been productive and interesting are lost to my need to just deal with too much stress!

Recently I discovered an interesting and fun way to get more exercise without the usual resistance I feel to doing it. I have this toddler-like resistance to regimens, and even to devoting a set amount of time to exercise. When I'm at the gym it's not so hard to get into the flow, with all the other people around me exercising, but at home it's another story. So what I've started doing is short bursts (10-15 minutes at a time) of yoga, pilates, qigong and/or cardio exercise... a little here, a little there. It's a totally different feel, and I think I really like it. It appeals to my inner eclectic.
Then tonight I discovered a channel with all kinds of free pilates, yoga, cardio and weight-bearing exercise videos on cable. I tried some of the yoga and pilates, and it was really fun.

Oooh-weee, what a gorgeous evening! I just took this picture out our apartment window (we live on the 18th floor, so we get a really nice view, especially at sunset). It's a cool, misty, even slightly foggy night, just the kind of weather I love. It reminds me of our many camping vacations on Lovells Island, where it's often misty and the fog horns are frequently heard going off in the distance. Cambridge doesn't get that much fog, so I just had to hunt down my camera, put new batteries in it, and take a few photos.

<---- This is for all the friends who made me smile today, my 60th birthday!

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BTW, I have to say, waking up on June 5th to the idea of being 60... it's just weird. It's not even that I don't 'like' it. It's just strange. The older I get, the more I don't get this age thing. I think it's a set-up. They give us watches and clocks (and calendars and denture commercials, and all the rest) and if we're not careful, we get on the consensus reality conveyor belt of human obsolescence. That's one of the reasons I've never believed in wearing a watch. I'd rather be eternal and not pay too much attention to time.

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Anyway, it was a lovely day, in the simplest of ways. I didn't have a big party (I will have one later this month) and Jonathan and I celebrated with almost no fanfare, but there was plenty of love from friends and family. I have so much to be thankful for.

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Wow, I've really gotten up on my soapbox lately. I think the real essence of my rant can be better summed in one simple paragraph:

You have two choices: you can try to tame all those unruly little squirrels living in the attic referred to commonly as your language banks-- line them up and get them to do neat little songs and dances for you, teach them tricks, make them stand on their heads just so; or you can leave the 'house' altogether and soar among the clouds, up above, over and beyond words and thoughts-- free, untroubled by the whims of duality.

Now I'll be quiet and take my own advice. :-)

When the mind no longer wanders vagrant but merges with the Way and rests calmly in the Way, that is called return to the root. Keeping to the root without straying is called serene stabilization. Over a long time at this, diseases vanish, life returns, returns and continues, so you naturally come to know the eternal.

--7th generation master of the Northern Branch of the Complete Reality School of Taoism, known as 'the Preserver of Truth.'

I just saw Wayne "Dire''s latest new age blame PBS extravaganza tonight, entitled... (are you ready?)... "No Excuses." He really sticks it to those of us who aren't naturally equipped and effortlessly endowed with overflowing passion and exuberance for creating massive wealth and success. Zen Slackers don't get much respect from Mr. Dire-- he'd be a great used car salesman. I liked him better when he switched to talking about 'THE TAO' for awhile, but he's clearly back on the 'Abe-Hicks sauce again. He always brings someone on his 'show' who's suffered unimaginably, and lays a great big fat guilt trip on all of us, trying his best to disavow us of our social conscience and common sense.

As you may have guessed, I'm not too keen on this guy. I DO NOT GET why PBS keeps asking him back over and over and over again, to torture us with his misguided teachings.

Like Plastic Jesus and Mr. Smiley Face, he is leading America down the primrose path of self-destruction.

Whoa! That art I just posted with the Mozumdar quote (immediately below) was so neon bright and intense, not to mention kind of new-agey, I just wanted to tone things down a little with something a little more... subtle!, lol.

I love this quote from A.K. Mozumdar:
"There is a vast difference between the mortal and the spiritual planes of mental action.
[Joel Goldsmith referred to them as the 'mental plane' and the 'spiritual plane;' this is terminology which works a little better for me.]
In the one, we use our mind in our conception of perfecting a certain temporary result, and in the other, we use our mind to realize That which is permanent and above any result."

America has embraced the 'new thought' movement of positive thinking and conscious creation with open arms. (Understandably, as new thought is a uniquely American phenomenon that was born on our soil, grew and evolved here, and eventually morphed into the 'new age' teachings.) On its surface, new thought and conscious creation are wonderful and sweet and spiritually uplifting. The underside, though, is a deadly kind of denial and cheerful blindness that fosters selfishness and a blissful disregard of the real problems that exist in our society. Not to mention that in their most extreme forms, these teachings lead to acquisitiveness and a mean-spirited lack of concern for those less fortunate than us, or to a neurotic guilt complex based on the idea that 'if you see it, you created it.' This is a sad state of affairs, and it takes a certain amount of discernment and maturity to get beyond this seductive type of thinking.

I wonder when we will turn to the non-dual reality that underlies all phenomena and embrace 'no thought'-- the path of meditation, contemplation and spiritual evolution based in learning to turn our light around and look within. I think this the only path that will bring us out of our present troubles. Obviously it's better to think positive thoughts than negative ones, but many have been duped into believing that if they observe unpleasant things-- suffering, oppression, pain, whether their own or someone else's-- that they are adding to that suffering and making it worse. This is simply not true. Of course we need to be thoughtful and measured in our response to negative experiences, especially our own, but hiding from 'what is' is never the answer.

Our culture, on the whole, has accepted this line of thinking for many decades, but it has reached a critical mass over the last couple of decades. And where has it taken us? Are we better off as a result? Are Americans more generous, loving, joyful, prosperous, happy, spiritually integrated and psychologically healthy as a result of the overarching preoccupation so many of us have with positive thought and thinking only about good things?